Paradox: a statement that seems contradictory, absurd, or unbelievable but that may be true; a person, situation, or act that seems to have contradictory or inconsistent qualities.
Webster’s Dictionary

When I first lived at Tassajara, Zen Mountain Center (a monastery in Central California) my family came to visit me during the summer guest season. They appreciated the natural beauty of Tassajara but missed the comforts of civilization such as sidewalks and easily accessible hot running water. After a few days we left Tassajara and flew directly to Las Vegas. I was surprised at how comfortable and at home I felt there.

Though paradoxical, I noticed many similarities between life in a Zen monastery and life in a casino. Both entities were focused on greed: a monastery is focused on freeing people from greed, while a casino celebrates greed. Both places work toward transcending time. Monastery life is on a strict schedule in which individuals give themselves over to following the schedule outside their usual desires and activities. Casinos don’t have clocks so that people can give themselves over to the schedule of nonstop gambling instead of following their usual routines.

Everything about us and our lives is filled with paradox. I am extremely energetic and very lazy. I see myself as successful and as far from being a success. I am very detail oriented and quite sloppy. I negotiate well for others and terribly for myself. I love to write, and I hate to write.

We can control our breathing, and our breathing is completely outside our control. We have no idea how our bodies and minds work. The fact that we find ourselves alive, in this time, in this place, in this body is completely beyond our comprehension. Nothing about our lives makes sense. Our lives are unbelievable, contradictory, and inconsistent.

Our lives, when we look at them carefully, are messy, contradictory, unexplainable, absurd, and mysterious. We fall in love, we follow our passions, our feelings change, our passions change, our partners change, our businesses change. Events take place, life happens. Our work lives are filled with contradictions and mystery — we don’t know why are we doing what we do, what works and what doesn’t work. What appears stuck may be the beginning of an opening, and what appears open may be stuck. What is satisfying one day may be frustrating another. A popular product turns into a dud. A successful marketing strategy is repeated and fails miserably.

Being an effective leader or manager requires that you embrace skills and attitudes that appear to be in conflict, not sticking to either side, such as:

Patient >>>>>>>>> Decisive
Beginner >>>>>>>>> Experienced
Surrender >>>>>>>>> Control
Inclusive >>>>>>>>> Focused
Humble >>>>>>>>> Confident
Open >>>>>>>>> Strong
Flexible >>>>>>>>> Tenacious

Each situation we encounter requires its own response. Different skills and approaches are required to effectively engage with whatever circumstances we find ourselves in.

Embracing paradox is not really any different from accepting what is, accepting the truth of our situations and of our lives. Simplicity and clarity generally require not seeing the various sides and layers of our work and our lives. As the title to this chapter states: If it’s not paradoxical, it’s not true.

What is paradoxical about you?
What is paradoxical about your work?
How do you hold opposing and contradictory ideas?
What do you learn from embracing paradox?